Well...hi everyone. It's been...almost a year since I've been on DA...and I'm sorry if it feels like I abandoned you guys.
I feel really bad for not giving a warning as to why I suddenly vanished from the internet, or DA for the most part. After trying to figure out everything for writing and worrying about working and a lot of other things that life threw at me, it took a massive toll on me and I just stopped coming on. I would have come back sooner, but I felt too ashamed to come back because of how suddenly I just disappeared. And for that, I'm terribly sorry.
As for the writing...I don't even know anymore. To clarify, no. I'm not depressed or anything like that. It just...feels like I've lost motivation to write them, and it sucks because I worked so hard on many of them that I feel shitty for even leaving the website because of all the hard work that I put into them over the years. It just feels like I wasted all the time I spent working on them into the late hours of the morning just to abandon them in a split second. But I know it wasn't a waste of time. All that writing I did for sake of showing my love and appreciation for video games and anime wasn't a waste of time at all. It may have been silly for others, especially since it was more than likely seen as a fangirl writing out her fantasies for a beloved show/game, but we all have ways of showing our appreciation to things we love, and I'm not ashamed to say that I've written these stories (or planned to write them anyway.)
I guess that was the biggest flaw of mine: piling so many ideas one on top of the other just brought me down because there was always something new that I wanted to start, but I had this fear that if I did I would just find something else interesting and write about that instead. That has always been a massive flaw of mine, and I'm not ashamed to admit that.
But worst of all, I feel like I've completely abandoned the people I've met on here, the people I've become friends with over the course of being on here and interacted with, only to suddenly disappear without a trace, no messages, no signs that I was leaving for a while, no goodbyes whatsoever. That's probably another reason why I was so afraid of coming back. How could I face the people I saw - no, the people I see - as friends? If they even consider me a friend anymore. Probably not, but hey. That's what I get for abandoning friends as if they mean nothing.
I'm a shitty person for what I did, and I'm sorry to anyone that may have checked back here every so often to wonder if I was alright. Yes, I am okay. I'm doing well. In fact, I actually started my YouTube channel just a couple weeks ago. I don't have much on there at the moment, but I thought it would be best to tell you guys because this is the first place I even mentioned the idea of wanting to become a YouTuber. But that's a different journal for a different day.
I want to try and come back here again, to reconnect with old friends and spread the word about the next step I've taken in life after talking so much about it over the past year. I know it probably seems like I'm only back just for the whole YouTube thing, and I hope it doesn't rub off on people in that manner. While I do wish to create a community through YouTube and get the word out as much as I can, I still want to return to this site and see old friends again and talk to them. If they're still around, of course. If not...well, again, that's what I get for leaving a site out of the blue the way I did.
As for the fanfictions...I don't even know anymore. It's been so long since I've actually touched any of the stories that I've just lost motivation for them. But again, I don't regret creating them; I regret having so many ideas to a point where I'm putting current projects on the back burner only to ultimately forget about them. However, despite saying that, it doesn't mean I've given up writing in general. I've been putting all my focus on a novel, one that I hope to get published in the future. There's a lot of work to be done with it, and it's still got a ways to go, but maybe I could get feedback on it. After all, I had a lot of feedback on this site with the fanfictions I wrote, and the other sites haven't really given me much to improve on. So maybe I'll post the first chapter here if people would be interested in reading it. If not, that's okay, too.
Again, I want to apologize immensely for just leaving you guys in the dark and abandoning you. It's up to you to decide whether to forgive me or not, and I would totally understand if many have left by now. Still, at least I was able to show how sorry I am, and to show that I'll do my best to try and come back here as often as possible.
If you read up this far, thanks. I appreciate it. And I'll try to be more active on here and chat with people again. If they still want to talk, anyway... :/
Talk to you soon.